Tech support

This will make you feel like a PC wizard! Take heart, anyone among you who
believes you are technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin'" yet.


1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to
control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag
the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax
anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered
the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper- by holding it in front of the
monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.


4. Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and
soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because
his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained
that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be
taken
personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told
the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The
user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but
that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new
Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the
technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The
"foot pedal "turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer
wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there
for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened
when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in
the
third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech
Support?" TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" CALLER: "The cup holder
on
my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about
getting that fixed?" TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." TECH: "Please
excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this
as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder?
Does it have any trademark on it?" CALLER: "It came with my computer. I
don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this
point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He
was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the
CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting
in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working
fine."

12. And last but not least: TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the
control
and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle
of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I ain't gonna do that!